Buried Alive/I AmDeepBuried Alive/I Am1 year ago in Free Verse
Smothered under the earth
But somehow still alive
Yet unable to dig
Out of my prison
Suffocating in the dark
In the cold
The worms eat at my body
I am a forced offering to
The corruption that rots my soul
The endless wellspring inside
Keeps me alive
Just to torment me
In the dark
Where no one can see
I become the dark
To hide my fear
I am as the night
Hidden where few see
Not that they could see even if they tried
But such wonders hidden deep inside
That only a few find
If they look hard enough
But right now all I am
Is locked away in a box
Six feet down
Not dead, but dying
Suffering in the dark he has become
Unable to be a part of the world above
Not that they want him anyway
lonelier than lonelinessgoing home is like getting on a plane andlonelier than loneliness10 months ago in Free Verse
not knowing if you're going to touch the ground
your mother greets you like she hasn’t seen you in years
and your cats don’t recognize you, hiding at the
bottom of the stairwell as you call them to your hands
you are in the way no matter where you are
the places you used to sit and leave a dent in are cold
and empty, like a forgotten room covered in dust
you don’t take your shoes off after doctor’s appointments
taking tangerines and pieces of clothing when you leave
your piano untouched and books unopened
the sewing machine sits there like a headstone
and your knitting has become a toy for the pets
everything you’ve left behind is messy and tsked at by your mother
staying the night means waking up to an unfamiliar bed
with a different quilt and lack of shelves full of pop bottles
and ice-cream bar wrappers, the things you indulge in
coming home is like slipping into a haze of familiarity that feels wrong
you make t
Lonelier than you | Prologue | PhanI'm Phil, and I am lonely. As a child, I knew I was an accident, even though my mum never told me. I grew up in a very hostile household, even my pet bunny tried to jump in front of a car. My parents were loving, and so was my brother, they still are. I was sad. Still am. I guess that kind of ruined it.Lonelier than you | Prologue | Phan2 years ago in General Fiction
I'm 16 now, and I have friends. Two, actually. They are called Chris and PJ. Chris is funnier than everyone I know, and he is tall, but not as tall as me. I have never seen anyone with as skinny jeans as the ones PJ uses. We bonded over Super Mario Bro's.
PJ tells me that Chris is in trouble, which is why I'm not paying attention when it happens. Tripping over Dan Howell isn't something you just do. Except for me, I did just trip over him, and everyone looks at me like I am death as I lie there on my stomach with acing elbows. Howell looks puzzled at first, and he probably is, because someone just tripped over Dan fucking Howell. He gets up from his crunched position and looks at me. PJ
Lonelier than you | 2 | PhanI use my Friday evening to freak out, and then give in and tell PJ. PJ rushes over, because he understand that this is an emergency.Lonelier than you | 2 | Phan2 years ago in General Fiction
"Wait, tell me again," he demands and closes his eyes, like it helps him to focus.
"I bumped into Dan after the party, and when I said that I couldn't just go home drunk, he said I could crash at his place, so I did. When I woke up I was so hungover I threw up on his floor and he cleaned it up," I had to take a breath becaude oh my god, I threw up on his floor. "Or his mum cleaned it up, but whatever. And then earlier today I figured I should thank him, because you know, it would be rude not to. Anyway, before I had the time to think, he asked me if I wanted to hang out with he and his friends tomorrow, and then I said yes," I finish, and PJ sigh.
"First of all, you're an idiot. Second, just say you can't come, that you need to help your mum out or something," he suggested, and it made me want to yell at him, because he didn't seem to put muc
Lonelier than you | 1 | PhanA I'm not much. I'm a loser, and maybe a little nerdy, for the most time I'm pretty quiet and also quite tall, but that's about it. And I'm fine with it, really. It doesn't matter to me. I have Chris and I have PJ, and it's okay. I'm okay with having to be home by ten, even though I'm 16, and I'm okay with my mum kissing my forehead before I go to bed. It's safe.Lonelier than you | 1 | Phan2 years ago in General Fiction
When I meet my friends on Friday, they have seemingly forgot about the whole "tripping over Dan freaking Howell" thing. I haven't though, but I stay quiet about it.
"Are you serious about joining us tonight, or are you planning on bailing? I kind of need to know, as I'm planning on filling my car with the ladies if you're not coming. You know, they can't get enough of this," Chris smirks at me as he gestures to his body. I only give him an eye roll and a little smile. He's just being Chris.
"I'll come with you, need to be sure you don't rape anyone," I mock. I wasn't originally planning on joining them, as partying isn't rea
Lonelier than you | 3 | PhanFive days later I've kissed him three times. The one time at outside his door, one time in the school library, and once at the bus stop. It was nothing big, just a peck, but it left me more and more confused for each time.Lonelier than you | 3 | Phan2 years ago in General Fiction
Chris and PJ doesn't know. Or maybe they do, but they haven't said anything. Until maths on Wednesday, when Chris asks where my masculinity goes whenever I look at Dan, and I couldn't do anything to stop the blood from going to my cheeks. He makes fun of me for five minutes and then goes back to tapping his pen on his book. And that is it from Chris. PJ doesn't need to ask, because PJ is like that, he just knows.
The week goes on, each new kiss leaving me more confused.
"Do you even talk at all?" Chris asks at lunch on Friday.
"I guess not," I mumble. "I mean we have, obviously, just not..." I trail of, as I don't know how to explain it. Because I know that to be honest, I don't know him at all. I mean, I know the taste of his lips and the feeling of his hands in min
Lonelier than you | 5 | PhanTHIS CONTAINS SOME WEAK (and terrible) SMUTLonelier than you | 5 | Phan2 years ago in General Fiction
The first snow falls in the end of November. It's not much, and it melts away before I get the chance to appreciate it properly, but I don't mind because it's soon December and Christmas and I can't wait. I don't even get angry when Chris throws a huge and wet snowball at me, because everything is fine and I don't think I've ever felt like this.
Dan's gloved hand wraps around mine the second I step out of the boys bathroom. The snow had been replaced with rain, which made my hair a mess. He laughs when I ask if he's stalking me, and pulls me with him down the hallway.
"Where are we going?" I ask, even though I have my ideas.
"Home," he answers, and I can't help but grin.
He makes me coffee, and we sit down on the floor with our backs resting against the sofa.
"It's cold in here," Dan says, and I agree. Silence. He places his mug on the floor, and I do the same.
"I like your hair."
I roll my eyes, he kisses my temple. Ki